Please Eat My Tummy - And Other Ways To Scar Your Children

I love to eat Owen's tummy.  Not actually bite, digest, etc., but I love to take little nibbles off of his tummy several times a day.  It is one of our favorite ways to play.  I say, "Oh no, I have to eat the tummy.  I'm going to eat the tummy, I love to eat the belly," and then I make little growling noises as I "bite" his belly.  And then the payoff- he giggles and smiles, and on occasion laughs.  

Now, I don't think there is anything wrong with this.  Most of my friends with babies seem to have a predilection for some part of their baby's body. Some swear by cheeks, others by toes, but for me it's the belly.  The other day as I was talking to a friend on the phone she asked how Owen was and I said, "He's so cute, I can't stop eating his belly."  Then after a pause I added, "Now of course, I'm probably scarring him for life and when he grows he's going to develop some bizarre fetish during sex and not understand why he has to beg people to 'please eat my belly, oh I love it when you eat my belly.' "

Of course, I am 95%  sure this is not how sexual fetishes are created, but who knows?  Did our friends the furries have mothers who innocently tickled them one too many times with their plush stuffed animals? Did our foot fetishists have moms who went after those cute little toes one too may times?  Highly doubtful.  I'm pretty sure that it's more likely that too much exposure to Sesame Street is the root of making one want to dress up as a mascot in in bed than it is that one's parents caused it.  Still, as parents it is overwhelming how much we have the ability to scar or help our children.

I went to a developmental movement class the other day where I learned that apparently everything I have been doing with Owen is delaying his "development."  From the way I pick him up (under his armpits) to the way we move into tummy time (I flip him over and place him on his belly)  to the coup-de-wrong (holding him under those same armpits to let him 'stand' on his feet.) And oh yes, I know these sound innocent, in fact I see evidence of these parental failures everywhere I look.   These actions are obviously from lack of knowledge rather than any pernicious intentions- how was I to know that letting a baby stand before his time would prevent him from crawling? Yet, now I am illuminated with the fact that everything I do has a potentially instructive or destructive effect on my child. The instructor actually said at one point that while these 'failures' as a parent (she of course did not say failures) could not be traced forward to developmental delays such as.. wait for it, wait for it. . cognitive impairment, learning delays, physical delays, that all of those developmental failures (no she did not say failures here either) COULD be traced backwards to babies missing these developmental milestones.  In other words, their failures later in life could be traced back to the parent, or in this case my husband. (just kidding honey)

So here I am with Owen only eleven weeks old and but for the grace of this class, I could have been taking the first steps in ensuring my son would be forever grounded in mediocrity. I in no ways mean to say that the class was the instigator of my anxiety, or that it was alarmist in nature. As a life-long educator I was actually fascinated and intrigued by the class.  The instructor was informed, intelligent, and compassionate.  And what she said made sense and I do want to try the things she was teaching.  I just need to find the balance between learning things that will help my son develop into the most fabulous human being that he can and also just letting myself be an occasionally, if unintentionally, mediocre parent.  Also, holding him under his armpits and letting him 'stand' is kind of fun and it makes him happy, even if he crawls a little bit later.