Diaper Music - I'm not sure who created the term first, my husband or I, but I'm pretty sure it was created around 3AM one morning when we were trying to put a positive spin on the rather loud and liquidy noise that had woken us both from our sleep. Now it's pretty impressive that a little nine pound creature can make a noise while going to the bathroom that is loud enough to wake two sleep deprived adults from their desperate slumber. And while I would like to think our son is extraordinary in this way (yes parents will brag about almost anything their child does that can be counted as "exceptional" even if it is emitting particularly loud poos) but the digestive system of a newborn is something to be admired, if not emulated. Food passes through their sysems at a speed and force relatively akin to a person on a diet of prunes, coffee and ex-lax. And here was the proof, an excretion so fabulously loud it could have served as an air-raid siren.
"So that was some diaper music," one of us said. I'll let my husband take credit, not because I am generous at granting credit but because I'm pretty sure I would have said something like, "Holy shit, that was a loud crap!" Or I would have pretended I did not hear it so I would not have to be the one to change it. (The first step in creating effective co-parenting is to force the other person into action by your own denial of the urgency of a situation UNLESS you are the partner who did not push the child out of your womb this strategy is just called being an a**hole.) Either way, there it was 'diaper music' the ability to melodiously name what is really a rather disgusting but militantly insinuating thing. And I think this is what parenting is really about - the ability to be proud of your sons ability to poo so loud that it wakes you up in the middle of the night, to pee so hard in the middle of a diaper change that it hits not only the wall but the ceiling (okay that never happened but imagine it did.)
So now there is diaper music. I don't know how long this term will last. Most likely it will die out right about when the poo stops smelling like breast milk and starts smelling - well, like, poo. But for now, it remains a cause for elation, a sign he's eating enough and processing enough that his gas won't make him cry for another six hour jag.
And his diaper music has inspired some of my own. These are the first tracks from my first album "Diaper Music"
(To the tune of Don't Cry for Me Argentina - my apologies to Andrew Lloyd Weber (or not) )
Don't pee on me Owen Thomas
The Truth is I don't deserve it
All through your colic, your mad existence
I kept on rocking
Now keep your piss-tance!
(and from when he HATED having his diaper changed)
A stinky stinky diaper - what do you do?
It's a catch twenty-two when you're covered in poo
A stinky stinky bottom, everybody's got em
But if we don't change it pee - u , pee-u
You may fight it, you may scream
But trust me this is no one's dream
(And yes I realize this second 'song' contradicts my argument that poop does not smell but this is for the formula babies out there.)
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